Aiden has always been Aiden but once upon a time he was called Abigail....
At age 2 onwards Aiden’s mum has memories of him having temper tantrums and refusing to wear dresses or anything “girly”. Unlike his sister who loved dresses and “being girly” Aiden would run around kicking doors, in nothing but a nappy, Doc Martins and his cap on backwards.
Aiden’s earliest memory of wanting to be a boy is around age 5, he would watch Aladdin and wish he had a genie so he himself could wish to be a boy. As Aiden became more aware of himself it was more apparent that he knew what gender he was, like any child he was discovering who he was. Aiden genuinely thought he was born a boy. When Aiden reached 7 he told a close friend that he is boy! Aiden was also on the boys football team but then they made a girls football team so he was moved over to them.
Age 7 onward was a difficult and confusing time for Aiden, at a young age it is easy to see that
Aiden identifies as a boy however he had no way of expressing this. In fact until Aiden got his
period at age 11 he never questioned his gender. This day was upsetting and confusing for Aiden,
he knew what a period was but he is a boy, why was he experiencing something that he believed
was exclusively for girls? It was at this moment that Aiden’s world came crashing down around
him. He sat on the stairs and cried while he waited for his mum to come home.
From this day forward Aiden realised that he must be a girl he didn’t agree with his body but he
thought that this was it and it was tough there was nothing he could do about it. This was his life for now and this was how it was going to be, maybe in a next life he will get lucky.
Aiden continued to dress as a boy, when he was bought girl clothes he would try and wear them.
At age 13 Aiden confided in a close friend and told her that he is a boy, but he knew there was
nothing he could do about it. At this point Aiden was entering full blown puberty it was a very lonely and confusing time, this change in Aiden’s body was very uncomfortable and became unbearable for him to see his own body.
Aiden attended an all girls school as you can imagine a teenage boy in an all girl school isn’t ideal
however Aiden though this was fantastic! He is a boy who is attracted to girls in an all girl school. It was only years later when he looked back on this experience did he realise how much this affected him.
In school Aiden had a very close group of friends, without this group of friends Aiden would never have discovered his true self and maybe never would have “come out". Aiden came out three times all together all as different orientations, he calls it baby steps! Aiden’s first coming out story is on the school field, he was sat with his group of friends and they were all talking about their sexual orientations. Aiden felt that he was something and he knew that he liked girls. Everyone was being so open and honest, no one was judging or being judged so Aiden took this opportunity to come out and bisexual. Not long after this Aiden then came out as a lesbian, there is no story to this as it just happened naturally for Aiden. Next is the part we have all been waiting for!
Aiden is 17. His friends came to stay at his dads for the weekend, Aiden and all his friends went for
a walk to the beach on the way back Aiden and his girlfriend hung back a little way. Aiden’s
girlfriend then asked if Aiden felt he should have been born a boy. Aiden said yes but he knew
there was nothing that can be done about it. His friends all went home and Aiden started researching if there was anyone else out there like him? His girl friend had got him thinking and he was curious to see if anything could be done. Aiden spent all night researching and finally he came across the term Transgender and a whole community of people like him. Aiden was excited and surprised that there were so many people like him.
He then talked to his girlfriend about this discovery he had made, he asked her if she could tell
their friends that he was transgender as he was too scared to tell them himself. Aiden was finally
out! He had a mixture of emotions, he felt happy but it was daunting as he still had not come out to his family. Aiden came out to his family next.
He remembers writing a massively long text message to his mum explain in depth that he is
transgender. His mum replied with a simple “I always knew”. Aiden quickly replied to this with a
“why didn’t you tell me?!". This is something we always joke about, but Aiden’s mum knew it was something he had to discover for himself.
Coming out to his dad was very different, Aiden dad is ex army and is a “mans man”. It started with an argument, his dad was cross with him because he was spending so much time in
his bed room and he smelt! Aiden shouted back at his dad and said that he didn’t understand what he was going through. His dad asked him what he was possibly going through. Aiden told his dad that he was a boy and he is Transgender. Aiden’s dad hugged him and told him he always wanted to have a boy. Aiden also remembers telling his sister, she was always very supportive and accepted everything Aiden said.
Aiden then felt able to throw himself in to the role of being a boy, he began binding his chest with
bandages (not recommended) he felt this was the only option until he could afford to buy a binder and although this was very painful it was worth it because he began to feel comfortable with his body.
In December 2011 Aiden said goodbye to Abigail and changed his name via deed poll to Aiden.
This was a very happy time for Aiden however parts of his family became saddened by this and felt as though Aiden had a twin sister that had died and began to morn Abigail. His family occasionally found the name change difficult and would use the wrong name from time to time but they soon got used to calling him by his new name.
Relationships were difficult for Aiden after he came out, although his girlfriends would be very
excepting their families would tell them it was just a phase and that they had no future with him.
The next part of his transition was to start testosterone or ‘T’. This part of Aidens transition was
very difficult the Doctors wouldn’t listen to him and told him that it was just a phase and would
pass. They tried to tell him that he was just feeling this was because of his parents’ divorce. With
no one listening to him Aiden felt hopeless and lost. He felt nothing would change and that
everyone would feel better off without him.
Aiden made the decision to end his life by taking an overdose. I won’t go in to detail but Aiden
regretted this decision almost immediately, he was taken to hospital and referred to the mental
health team. It was only after this that Aiden was listened to by his doctor and he gave him a
referral to the gender identity clinic in London. But the battle wasn’t over, the waiting list was very long. Aiden and I (yes that’s me! I’m here now) decided that for the sake of his mental health it would be better if he went private. I did a lot of research and found two gender specialists one was a surgeon and one was a psychologist. Aiden needed a signature from each of these professionals to gain his ‘T’. After a bit of convincing Aiden asked his mum and dad to pay for an appointment each. They said yes!
The appointment dates were set and Aiden and I made plans to go to London. We arrived in London on the day of the appointments and this may be one of the most stressful days we have experienced together. We did half a day of travelling to get there, almost had an £80 fine, attended two appointments where Aiden had to tell his life story and travel fees here there and everywhere. IT was so so worth it because Aiden got the okay for T!
Aiden started T on the 21/06/2014 and his second puberty! Although Aiden was thrilled to be
starting T, going through puberty at 20 is not fun for anyone involved and so the mood swings
began. Next came a lot of life, love and beautiful memories. (but if i write about all of that too we will be here for days!)
Aiden’s next part of his transition is the most recent, he wanted to have chest surgery next.
This has been the biggest battle to date, Aiden was finally handed over to the NHS. He attended
an appointment at the gender identity clinic and was accepted for chest surgery, his GP would
need to fill out the referral form.
This is where things get rocky and messy. Aiden’s GP took his time to fill out his referral form and
when he finally did fill it in and send it off the time limit for the referral ran out. Not only did his
Doctor miss the cut off date for the referral but he also referred him for the wrong surgery!
After complaints and meetings with the practice manager Aiden finally got his referral however
what should have taken a few months took just over a year! Pushing Aiden’s transition backwards.
When the referral was received the ball started to roll, Aiden received his appointment to go for a
consultation at St Georges Hospital. His dad drove Aiden up to the hospital on the day of the
appointment (they slept in the car on the way!) this appointment went very well and the day for
surgery was set.
The day for chest surgery arrived! This is a day neither one of us can describe, it’s something we
had been fighting hard for and the day had finally arrived. Aiden was excited and scared and I was shitting myself! It’s difficult to explain this whole day, it was so busy and so stressful and there were so many emotions.
The surgery went very well and I was finally allowed to see my Aiden. He was groggy and bloody
funny. While Aiden was recovering at the hospital a few things happened that we weren’t and still
aren’t happy about. The way Aiden was treated by a few staff members was unacceptable, but he
recovered well and we were so happy with most of the staff that were so lovely to both of us.
When we got Aiden home his recovery was hard and painful, he was just so happy with the
outcome that none of that mattered to him it was all worth the 2 year battle.
That’s Aiden’s journey so far, he still has a long way to go but he is getting closer and closer to his
goal every day.
Below are a few words from Aiden:
Writing about my life and transition has been harder than I thought it was going to be and although everything I’ve been through has been hard, I would never change my journey as it has made me the man I am today. Although I’m not your typical guy or a manly man and I may never be 100% happy with my body, I know now that I am just as beautiful as everyone else. I’m no longer the little boy who wishes he could have a genie so he could be like the other little boys or spend most of his days sleeping because that was the only place he could be the boy he knew he was. I get to be Aiden all day, every day now and I’m so grateful for everyone who has helped me get to where I am today.
Some people aren’t as lucky as I have been, so if you get the chance just show someone that you care so they don’t feel so alone. No one’s words can define you, don’t let others hate define you. Never be ashamed of who you are and don’t change to make others around you happy. Our differences are what make us so beautiful. We are all beautiful.
Thank you for letting me share some of my story.
Aiden and Katy are expecting their first child together in May.
If you have a story that you would like to share email me at email@example.com